Am I going nuts?

Okay, Mr. Rocky called me last night because he had told me he would call me. So he did. Anyway, he said he was really tired so our conversation was short.
Yesterday he called me in the morning on his way to work and I haven't heard from him this morning. Because I haven't heard from him I'm thinking way too much. I think he doesn't want to talk to me or something. I think I'm just tripping.

We're supposed to spend New Years Eve together. Tonight to be exact. I know we're spending it with his family but we haven't exactly made the plans of what time and where. So I'm feeling like I'm going to be spending it on my own. It's only 11 am. He'll call right?

I always worry about being the first to call him. I don't want to seem desperate...like I need to hear his voice 24/7 because I really don't need to but I want to feel like he does need to hear MINE. Ha...sometimes I make myself laugh.

Guys any opinions?

A fresh start?

After work yesterday I called my friends Liz and Linda to meet me at Applebees for drinks. I figured what else could I do with the $50 gift card my boss gave me. I had been craving a margarita so I had two on the rocks. After that I went home and showered and headed to Mr. Rocky's apt. Anyway, there was a chick there with Nemo (Mr. Rocky's roomate) when I got there.

We stayed up quite late writing down our goals on the back of a Domino's pizza ordering menu because I couldn't find anything else to write on.
Mr. Rocky's goals are as follows:
To become a journeyman, make more money, seriously play basketball, get a place together with me, make a little pumba with me, pay off his bills, spend time with his pino (godson) and renew his passport.

Mine are as follows: Pay off my car, pay off bills, play basketball & soccer, work out more, get down to business with school, do junior achievement volunteering, make a little pumba, marry Mr. Rocky, get a place with Mr. Rocky, save money for a house, pay off my laptop, spend more time with my god daughter/god son, get a passport, go on vacation to Mexico.

I was on the junior achievement volunteering goal when Mr. Rocky said he noticed that the most important ones weren't on my list. He was talking about getting a place together & making a baby, but at that point I wasn't done. Obviously those are two goals that I would really like to happen in 2009. They say that when a woman is ready to have a baby you should give one to her. I'm so ready. I know that Rocky would be an exceptional father and husband. We've talked about marraige and he says he can see doing that with me...but so far no proposal.

We were talking yesterday about him possibly moving to a different state to find more work. He said he would want me to move with him..but does this include a ring? I know things don't have to necessarily be done in order..but if we are talking about making a baby I would really like for that baby to be born into a marraige.

This morning he told me what was really bothering him yesterday. Apparently one of his guy friends named George went to the bar with his ex-girlfriend last night. His ex-girlfriend is so in love with Mr. Rocky still. I've never seen a woman act so desperate in my life. Anyway, Mr. Rocky and I spent the whole Christmas break together. This past Friday Rocky and I were at his apartment when George came in with his girlfriend Sarah. George doesn't exactly know that Mr. Rocky and I are together. And George is a big time instigator and wants to know everything kind of person. Anyway, I'm sure he told Jenny (Mr. Rocky's ex) about me being at Mr. Rocky's apt and what not. This is why Mr. Rocky was upset last night. Anyway, George spent the night at Mr Rockys apt last night and Mr Rocky is sure he's going to tell Jenny things about Mr Rocky and I. I feel that Mr. Rocky shouldn't care what his so called friend says and I really think that George isn't his friend if he's giving information to Rocky's ex-gf. That's just me. I'm not here to choose his friends either. I just really hope that he doesn't cause us any problems. I'm really just tired of all this drama already.

I'm ready for a fresh start in 2009.

1986 Air Jordan II

1985-1986 was a sad year for Michael Jordan. He broke his foot 3 games into the season and the bulls didn't do so great. Anyhow, those 1986 Air Jordan's MJ is wearing are probably the most awesome basketball shoes ever, next to the blue and white Penny Hardaway shoes.

I'm in the search for a pair of those 1986 Air Jordan II classics. If I can't find a pair of those then a retroed 1994 version would work. If any of you find em' let me know.

I hate funerals!

I hate funerals.

I think everyone does.

Whoever likes them..is certainly not human.

I'm going to my great uncles funeral later this afternoon and I'm getting sick to my stomach thinking about it.He was just 49 years old and died of heart problems. It runs in my moms side of the family.I'm really saddened by this because it was just about a year ago that my great grandpa passed away.It seems like everyone is dying one by one. I told my mom she better start drinking green tea because I read in the paper somewhere that it is good for your heart.I know I'm starting the tea thing pronto!

I got a letter in the mail today...

I got a letter in the mail today and it was from someone that I wish to not ever hear about....my ex-husband.It was a real surprise. The last time I heard from him was 2 1/2 years ago probably. Anyway, in this letter from him he apologizes for hurting me and turning his back on the only woman that truly loved him. He also apologized for committing adultery while we were together. I had heard something about him cheating on me while we were together after we had been divorced and by that time I really didn't care. I just never thought it was really true. Well I guess it was.

In his letter he asks for my friendship and for me to write back. This is coming from my first love who broke my heart and shattered it to pieces. Hell no I don't want to be your friend? Are you nuts?I remember the last time I talked to him before I filed for divorce. I asked him if he wanted to work things out and he said no. I said "okay" with that feeling in your throat when you feel like crying and somehow I managed to hold back my tears. I told him that one day he would regret it and when he did I would be long gone. It felt good to have him ask for forgiveness and I feel sorry for him, but just because I do doesn't mean I'm going to be his friend.

After I read that letter I thought to myself should I tell my boyfriend about this. After I got divorced it took me a while to trust men and I let a man into my life his name is Mr. Panda. It just so happened that Mr. Panda is my ex-best friend's brother. We started a long distance relationship over the phone. He is a Marine stationed in Camp Pendleton. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for about 4 months when I decided to go visit him in San Diego. When I went that first trip he asked me to marry him. So I said yes and we were engaged. I should of really said no, because I wasn't ready for that kind of committment yet. I had barely started to experience life since I had married young. I was partying, meeting people, doing things that I wanted to do for myself. Anyhow, Jesus got deployed to Iraq for his second tour since joining the Marines. Things didn't work out and I broke up with him.

I have since found love in my best friend Mr. Rocky. This has by far been the best relationship I've been in. I'm the kind of person that I give my all or nothing at all. I've given him every bit of me. Anyway, I'm not sure if I should tell him about this letter. My gut tells me I should, but then another part of me tells me I shouldn't. That I should just tear that letter up and throw it away. It seems like now that I've found the person I would like to settle down with my past keeps coming back. My exboyfriend has been calling me alot using stupid excuses for calling. I've had to tell him that he needs to stop calling me and I'm about ready to change my phone number though I don't think it has to come to that. We are all adults here. And now to tell Juan that my ex-husband wrote to me. I just don't know if that is even important enough to tell him.Well I just contradicted myself didn't I? If I just wrote this whole blog about the letter and whether or not to tell him it's obvious I should just tell him.Anyway...I'll let you all know how that goes!